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I was recently working with a client, and I noticed that she seemed to go from one situation of conflict to another.
As soon as one got resolved—that is, after we did all this work of forgiveness, releasing, getting a broader perspective—then another would come up, and we’d need to work on resolving that too.
Time and again, these conflicts in her came up that were really affecting her life! They weren’t just superficial, but would often stop her in her tracks whenever we were getting ready to launch into some awesome, creative project.
“So what gives?” I asked. And it really touched her. She was tired of it. She didn’t want any of this. In fact, all of her life, she actually hated conflict, and did everything she could to avoid it!
I’m telling you this story to illustrate for you what living under a personal paradigm looks like. In this case, Betty (I’ll call her that to protect her privacy) had no clue that she was creating these situations subconsciously, and they always seemed to crop up as soon as she was ready to take a big leap.
She didn’t realize she was doing it, but she was.
We are all always creating our realities, and what is in our realities is showing us something that is a reflection of our inner lives.
Upon looking into Betty’s past (all of my clients fill out an extensive questionnaire on what their childhood was like), it was clear that she had grown up in a household that was full of conflict: conflict between her parents and the resulting constant conflict between her siblings. As much as she tried to escape it, it was her reality as a child. If she wanted anything, she had to choose to either engage in battle to get it, or just give up, and accept not receiving it at all. This is even down to an extra cookie for dessert!
This is very interesting to me, and it's one of the reasons I love being a coach—this fact that we can continue to live under the same patterns and models that we established as a child. Not always, but often, these are the areas we will want to grow beyond.
Well, as is usually the case, we need to see situations for what they are. Instead of deciding that the world is against us, and that there are forces operating outside of us that are beyond our control, it is really important— albeit often painful—to take full responsibility for what we have created. Yep. You created whatever you’ve got going on right now, so as soon as you own it is the point at which you can begin to change it.
Sounds easy, but it’s not, I know.
But let’s look at what this might be costing you, or Betty in this instance:
How much happiness is lost?
How much time and energy are being wasted on senseless activities that don’t really serve?
Where else could that time and energy be going right now?
So, the first step in any situation is, of course, Recognition.
We can’t run away, or avoid, looking at what is.
The second step, as I’ve covered before, is Responsibility.
You created this—even subconsciously—and now we know we can change it.
Investigate exactly when, and where, and with whom you chose to establish this reality as your paradigm, and then forgive.
Vow change. Yep. That simple. Be dedicated: “I no longer engage in this limiting pattern that no longer serves me.” And make a religion out of this belief! Seriously!
Vow that you are ready to change. Vow that you know you can change. Forgive those in your past whom you hold responsible for all you experienced that caused you to create this paradigm in the first place.
And in the story of my client Betty, when she finally identified it as a very real pattern she didn’t want anymore, and took the steps to forgive and release, and then believed in her newfound reality, the conflicts, almost instantly, miraculously vanished. In her own words, “I am so FREE!”
Paradigms can be very strong, but they are not entirely culpable, and they can be dismantled. Remember, you created them as a model of belief when you didn’t know much better. It was the best you knew how, at the time.
Now, you know better.
Magical and Ascended, Assisi
Did you know that pilgrims have been coming here from around the world just to be in the presence of the birth place of Saint Frances? The energy, and feeling of magic is palpable, and only something you can feel when you get here. That's why pilgrims come, year after year after year!
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In a day of private work together, we address all the things I've been talking to you about for some time: finding your calling, and identify the action steps you want to take to get you just a little closer to fulfilling it. No matter what that is!
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Wishing you all the best this week ~
P.S. Private Intensive VIP Days are available virtually as well. So if getting away is not possible for you at this time, send me an email and we'll set up a call to discuss your intentions.